Did you ever watch the TV show Seinfeld? There's an episode called "The Comeback" where a coworker publicly makes fun of George. George can't think of a snappy comeback and simply stews in his own humiliation for the rest of the meeting.
Worse yet, he can't let it go, especially after he later thinks on the drive home, "THAT'S what I should have said!"
He spends the next few days (maybe weeks, I'm not sure) arranging things (even involving a trip all the way to Akron, Ohio) to set the guy up so he can use his snappy comeback line (which, by the way, Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer all agree is pretty lame.) In the end, it doesn't go so well. The final scene of the show is George, once again, fixating on what happened, just like before.
On a podcast I listened to recently, the guest said something very interesting. "Your focus determines your reality." (Update on April 18, 2024 - I was reminded this morning of where this quote comes from. It's from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Qui-Gon Jinn gives this advice to young Anakin.)How you choose to look at the world - positively or negatively?
George could have chosen to forget the negative experience, but instead chose to dwell on it. It ate up all his time and all his energy, which he could have used to enjoy the positive things in life instead.
Now, I'm not suggesting anyone ignore injustice or to never stand up for oneself. However, I have a tendency - like George - to replay past events in my mind. I even tend to think about future events that might take an unpleasant turn. I try to plan for all contingencies... like, "What will I say if this person says such-and-such?" "What will I do if I get this certain news?"
It can be quite exhausting to plan out for a bunch of negative things that will likely never happen. As far as the past goes... if these things aren't actively affecting my life today, why think about them at all? I need to push negative thoughts aside, and only think about them when I'm in faced with them in real time.
My focus determines my reality. I choose to focus on the beautiful summer days that I can fill with caring for my family and home, reclaiming my fitness, reading books, and learning beautiful new piano pieces. Even just the chance to sit at my laptop to ponder and write about these things fills me with a sense of peace, and this is the reality I choose to make.
There is a lot of wisdom in this entry... and it takes a lot of work for some of us. I tend to stew for a time, but after I have "slept" on just about anything, am able to rebound and not think so much about the issue, whatever it was. Sleeping on it is far better than eating over it, a behavior that got me in lots of weight trouble, once upon a time!
ReplyDeleteI could be a professional stewer, because I can fixate on negative things for hours on end, even in my sleep! I have to make a conscious effort to think of other things.
DeleteGreat blog. I have found in life revenge or thoughts or revenge just aren't worth while and saps your positive energy you could use to move forward.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a good week.
barb
1crazydog
Your comment about revenge reminds me of the saying: "Hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." In the end, it hurts the hater an awful lot. My mother always told me to be like Cinderella speaking to her evil stepsisters after she marries the prince: "After today, I will never think of you again." Of course, that can be easier said than done... but we should try to live our best life instead of holding on to negativity.
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